


Pirate in the Kitchen

by donutsweeper



Series: John and the Pirate Man [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Altered Mental States, Curtain Fic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Major Character Injury, Permanent Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-17
Updated: 2012-09-17
Packaged: 2017-11-14 10:19:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donutsweeper/pseuds/donutsweeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock has trouble adjusting to the person John is now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pirate in the Kitchen

John is colouring at the table. He likes to colour. He has crayons and markers and pencils and paint and the wide round flaky things that are only supposed to be used on the pavement stones outside. The crayons come in the most colours, all the shades of green he sees in the garden, blues ones like the sky in all kinds of weather and all kinds of pinks and purples that always make Mycroft's lips go all thin and squishy whenever he uses them, which sort of makes him want to use them often.

Today he's drawing a picture for his Pirate Man friend from the garden. Pirate Man with the impossible name and Mycroft are standing in front of the fireplace on the other side of the room and not arguing. John knows they are not arguing because they both told him they weren't arguing when he asked, so even though they are using their outside voices he knows they are not arguing. And they are definitely not arguing about him.

"How could you let this happen, Mycroft?" 

They are not arguing, but they are loud and when Pirate Man is loud his face is both white and red and John doesn't like it so he ducks his head and concentrates on colouring. If he doesn't see it, he thinks, then it isn't happening. He wraps his hand around the black crayon and starts covering the X marks the spots with big dark lines.

"And where were you, Sherlock, hmmm? Where were you? Off gallivanting about on your little adventure?"

John starts humming then. Mycroft never raises his voice. He wear that sad smile or gets quiet or sometimes hisses like the snakes on the nature programme on the telly but he never yells. Never ever. Except he's yelling now, both he and the Pirate Man are and John is pretty sure they are arguing even though they told him they weren't.

"Did you even bother to read the reports I sent you, dear brother? Or did you just assume everything would be here, exactly as you left it, that _John_ would be exactly as you left him?"

His paper isn't a treasure map any more- it's black. Black black black. Black like the night. Black like the bad room. And John doesn't like it, it's black and it's bad and they keep saying his name and not nicely either. 

"How dare you, Mycroft? How _dare_ you! You, more than anyone, are aware-" Pirate Man's still talking, but John can't listen anymore. He pushes his chair away from the table and runs from the room, needing to get away from the angry, loud words and the not arguing that is all his fault. 

Even with his bad leg, he's out the door and down the hall before the voices change and notice he's gone. It doesn't really matter though, since they'll know where he'll go to hide. The door to the garden is closed and latched so he can't go there and stairs are too hard when he's upset so he slips into the cupboard just past the kitchen door.

The cupboard is _his_. Just his. It's perfect because it has a grate on the wall it shares with the kitchen and John can peer through it and see Cook working and everything she makes always smells good and the cupboard is always warm from the stove and there's just enough light to keep the cupboard from being scary but not enough that it hurts his eyes. There's a pillow in there and two blankets and right now John doesn't even care that the pillow is yellow or how scratchy the blankets are because he can slam the door and smash the latch down and he's _safe_ because no one can come in unless he lets them and he doesn't like people who yell so he's not letting any of them in.

Footsteps stop in front of the cupboard door but then continue along. John can hear his breathing outside, loud and quick and wraps the blankets around himself until he's entirely covered, like a present waiting to be unwrapped when the time it right.

No one knocks on the door, but eventually he's aware of muttering coming from the kitchen and he peeks out from under the blankets and through the grate to see what's going on. Surprisingly, it isn't Cook. She usually didn't let anyone else in the kitchen; she even chased Mycroft out with a wooden spoon once which made John laugh and laugh. 

Pirate Man is there and he's surrounded by all sorts of cooking and baking supplies. There are bottles of food colouring and the big jug of vinegar, flour, tuna, pepper, tomato ketchup, and a bunch of other things and John has no idea how they will all go together, especially since so far all he's done is made a mess. John watching as he spoons some flour into a bowl, stirs in a splursh of ketchup and then pours vinegar on top. 

"No reaction," Pirate Man mutters and jots something down on a piece of paper.

Next is tuna, peanuts and water, then dried pasta, lemon juice and salt, then curry powder, orange juice and pepper. Each time Pirate Man lists off the ingredients as he adds them and sadly announces "no reaction" when his mixture doesn't do anything except sit there and look weird. And sometimes smell. 

John has to stop himself from laughing when Pirate Man starts saying things other than just 'no reaction.' Things like "No reaction, similar to how Mycroft responds when asked if he'd like to eat sprouts" and "No reaction, just like Greg during the last football game" because Mycroft _hates_ sprouts, ignoring them whenever possible and while Greg loves football, he is not a United fan and turned the game off rather than watch them trounce the Spurs.

"I just need to find the right ingredients" Pirate Man is sprinkling something into a bottle "bicarbonate of soda, food colouring and hmmmm... vinegar. Yes, that should do it."

And it does, the second the vinegar hits the red colouring and bicarbonate there is a bubbly, fizzing noise and the whole thing whooshes and turns into a foaming, bright pinkish red mess that spills over the sides and doesn't stop splurshing until it's covered a good portion of the counter as well.

"Now _that's_ a reaction," he says happily and John giggles into his hands. "Combining vinegar and bicarbonate of soda guarantees a messy aftermath, especially when colouring is added to the mix." He dumps the bowls and bottles he'd worked with in the sink and starts washing the mess off his hands. "Mycroft and I tend to have similar interactions. And add something else, someone else, into the equation and there is always the propensity for disaster."

John's not entire sure what Pirate Man is talking about now, but he knows enough that it's no longer about the mess in the kitchen and thinks it probably has something to do with him.

"I shall strive to do better in the future, John," Pirate Man says. "I had no intention of upsetting you, Mycroft and I reverted to type and, well, you saw the result. Luckily, it is a reaction we can work on improving. Observe." He grabs the vinegar and bicarbonate of soda and a bowl and this time he adds a lot of water to the soda before adding the vinegar. It hisses a little, but that's it. "There will be no more arguing. You have my word."

Pirate Man takes a step back and looks at the wreck he's made of the kitchen. "Now, I think it might be in my best interest to be somewhere else when Cook comes back to start supper. I have a magnifying glass with me and I thought I might examine the flowers in the pots by the side door. I wanted to get a better look at the pollen they are producing. If you would like, you can examine them with me. Whenever you are ready." He nods then, half to himself and half to the mess. "Until then," he adds, before sweeping out of the kitchen with a flourish.

Magnifying glasses are fun, but breakable, and John thinks Pirate Man might have offered his as an apology for the arguing and maybe for the mess, but that's not quite right because maybe making the mess was some sort of smelly explanation for the arguing? He sits in the cupboard, curled in his blankets and tries to work it out in his head. He's still there when Cook comes in and screams in dismay at the huge mess in the kitchen and he can't help it, he laughs and laughs and laughs and then flips up the latch. He's ready to leave the cupboard and take up Pirate Man's offer and see something new that's out there in the world.


End file.
